Countdown to Tank’s Travels boorish traveller of 2016 award

IMG_2264-2Where has the year gone? Can’t believe it’s getting near time to award Tank’s Travels boorish traveller of the year award for 2016.

We have some terrific contestants this year.

Who could forget the horrid people I had the misfortunate of encountering in gorgeous Palau.

Or Darrell, the Alberta drunk who tortured us with his barbarianism on a trip to Cuba.

I’ll be reposting the contestants stories in the next few weeks so you can become reacquainted with them.

The winner will be announced just before new years.

Enjoy.

PS: here’s last year’s winner. A potty-mouthed scuba diver in Cozumel.

 

 

 

 

Tank is one pissed off snowflake

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This is the bitch who nearly crushed my laptop screen when she reclined her seat hastily in the middle of the flight.

No warning. No slow tilt back.

Nope, just a lot of weight (hers’) thrust in my direction. And, she’s a hefty gal.

If that wasn’t bad enough, she continued to slam the back on her seat throughout the flight.

I knew she was trouble as soon as I took my window seat behind her.

When she called for the flight attendant and demanded headphones BEFORE the flight left the gate.

Who does that?

I hate people who recline. I’ll only recline if someone does it to me. To take back the space taken from me.

In this case, the recline mechanism on my seat was stuck. I couldn’t take back my space. So, I was pinned to my seat. And I’m small.

Another United Airlines-supplied trip through Dante’s rungs of hell.

There’s a lot to hate about travelling. Especially now that rudeness has become normalized.

#Scuba dive boat bullies and whiners

The 'superior' mammal stretched out on the dive boat.

A ‘superior’ mammal stretched out on the dive boat.

“I don’t take photos when I scuba diving unless someone else is paying me,” he said.

The same guy who was asking me to email photos I’d taken of him playing with sea lions, and wasn’t offering me any money! The same guy who complained the image files I emailed were too small and then twice emailed me back home to inquire as to why I hadn’t emailed larger files.

(The files I initially emailed him, which were going up on my Facebook page anyway, were plenty large enough. The idiot was looking at thumbnails, not realizing – I guess – you gotta click on them and save them. He did NOT get any additional images from me.)

What nerve. What an ass. What an appropriate new contestant for Tank’s Travel Jerk Traveller of the Year.

Did I mention he has a Mercedes? He did. Several times.

He also had lots to say about my scuba gear (inferior to his), the scuba company with which we were diving (inferior to the one he once operated) and his scuba training (superior to everyone else’s).

We spent several days as the only English speaking people on a dive boat. Except for the day the ‘professional’ cameraman with his giant $10,000 USD camera gear and lights came aboard the small boat and began bossing people around. Moaning about dive sites. Later in the day, I witnessed him bullying the office staff in an effort to get out of paying for a portion of the trip. He succeeded.

And then there was the guy bitching about the flour tortillas at lunch. “Where are the CORN tortillas?,” he barked in Spanish and English for three days in a row.

This is what I have to put up with. Grateful for it, as it supplies amusing content for Tank’s Travels.

I did meet some wonderful scuba divers on the boat. They taught me the Japanese word “oshikko”. It means pee, as in pee pee. They peed themselves laughing every time I said it, which was a lot.

That’s me, promoting peace, harmony and good manners where ever I travel. And, taking notes when I encounter those who don’t.

 

 

 

Tourist tantrums: pls stay home

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Being in the jungle on your parents’ tab is SO boring.

So there I am, in the Malaysian jungle. Getting to see orangutans, monkeys, crocs, pygmy elephants and more.

It’s spectacular.

Not everyone agrees apparently.

Case in point, this guy. Big yawn.

“I’ve seen enough of the jungle,” I overheard him moan to his parents, who I imagine were footing the bill for the creep’s trip here. This about two hours after he arrived.

Glad he only had to endure one night of pain and suffering in this horrid setting.

Poor phone reception made this guy pout.

Poor phone reception made this guy pout.

The blonde guy (right)  put his rudeness on display for even more people to witness in the resort’s dining area. His tantrum went something like this, “FUUUUUUUCK, I can’t hear you. Can’t get decent fucking reception here,” he bellowed into his mobile phone while stomping back and forth.

Who brings a mobile phone to the jungle and expects it to work the same way it would in London, Hong Kong or New York?

Tank hates to observe such first world suffering in this, still developing, country where people in the service industry work long days for a pittance, and get only a couple of days off a month to see their family members, who often live elsewhere. Hardworking people who have to endure rude, entitled tourists day after day after day.

So here’s some humanitarian advice: STAY HOME with your mobile phone and good reception, with your telly and crisps. Do NOT pollute your beautiful spirit with boring experiences in faraway lands.

Two more contestants for Tank’s Travels boorish traveller of the year.

Tank’s Travels 2014 in review: a year of kooks, boors + crabs

Thanks for reading Tank's Travels. There's more to come in 2015.

Thanks for reading Tank’s Travels. There’s more to come in 2015.

The universe blessed me with another year of kooks and ill-mannered travellers in 2014. Plus, a few great animal stories. I’m grateful for the content.

Because we live on a planet full of fools, idiots and irritating people who travel, there are many more adventures in my future. Can’t wait.

Here are a few memorable postings from 2014.

Best experience: Had a ‘moment’ with a Nassau Grouper in Roatan, Honduras. Going back in March 2015 in the hope of reconnecting with this special friend.

My boyfriend. The Nassau Grouper.

Runner up: Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to see a whale shark in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Maybe it took a wrong turn. An amazing surprise.

Best travel deal: Roatan, Honduras. Great diving and inexpensive.

Best food: Cosmo in Montreal, Quebec. The signature dish, the Mish Mash, is to die for. And, with thousands of calories per serving, it will kill you. Going back for more in May 2015.

My mini Mishmash. YUMMY.

My mini Mishmash. YUMMY.

Biggest jerk: When coffee meets crotch. Karma at work.

Honourable mention: Think the airline lounges attract quality people? Thank again. These folks in the United Airlines lounge were barbarians.

Rudeness in the United Airlines lounge.

Most popular posting of the year: The rude, loud-mouth I really wanted to punch.

Most fun writing: Mr. Caracas visits Mexico.

Poster boy for Fruit of the Loom?

Weirdest thing: Watching a parasailor almost die. Dumb way to kill yourself.

Runner up: Really Fidel? Cuba’s crabs follow me to the can.

Honourable mention: The weird racist t-shirt guy introduces himself to Tank. Hilarious.

Click on the link in the story to see what the shirt said.

Click on the link in the story to see what the shirt said.

Can’t a girl even go to the can in peace?

Thanks for reading. Happy New Year.

Rude #travel: pump up the volume

 

Shut up, loudmouth

Shut up, loudmouth.

I’m cursed. Another flight, another jerk.

This guy picked a fight in the boarding line up with a snide remark suggesting I didn’t belong there. (I was in the correct boarding group, thank you very much).

When he turned around a second time, I put up my hand, told him to not talk to me again, called him rude.

Thankfully, I wasn’t seated next to him. End of story. So I thought.

Nope. I was seated across the aisle (three seats over) and two rows back. I might as well have been sitting on this jerk’s lap. He was so loud I heard practically every word he said.

As I discovered in the line, he felt compelled to share his every thought and feeling.

Felt sorry for the unfortunate soul seated next to him – who had to listen to this guy ramble non-stop for about two hours. Must’ve been torture.

Among the things he talked about:

  • The price of postage.
  • “I did a masters.”
  • “I freaked out every time the flights changed.”

Here’s some sound advice from Tank. Please stay home. Don’t travel. That way you’ll never have to be freaked out. As well, you’ll serve humanity by allowing people like me to nap on planes, in relative peace.

This jerk has earned a spot in…….

Tank’s Travels Boor Hall of Fame

3 hours without #TV isn’t going to kill U, airline passenger

Grown up baby complaining about a three hour flight and NO TV.

Grown-up baby complaining about a three hour flight with NO TV.

Whiny, entitled babies.

You find them on every flight.

Man-child pictured here began bitching- while the plane was still loading – when he discovered Air Canada Rouge doesn’t have TVs.

Nope, that’s old technology.

Rouge will rent a passenger a tablet for the duration of the flight OR you can use your own tablet to access entertainment. But no TV.

Really? Bitching and moaning at the flight attendant because you can’t live without TV for a few hours.

My advice. Stay home with your TV. Do not attempt travel ever again.