Tank’s brother candidate for worst traveller!


Made it here despite the annoying sibling

How’s this for an experience?

Road trip to Osoyoos and Penticton B.C. Wine country. We do this annually.

I’m driving my brother’s car because 1) it has cruise control and mine doesn’t, 2) I’ve got far more experience driving long distances. (Countless, long road trips in Northwestern B.C. during my CBC Radio years), and 3) I’m the big sister and the boss of everything.

Here’s how it went for practically the entire 4.5 hour drive.


“Slow, slow. slow.”


“Slow down.”

“Why do you speed up going around the corners and drive like a slug when the road is flat and straight?”

“Are you drunk?” (It’s 9:30 am)

“Are you trying to roll the car?”

I think this is what they call ‘making memories’. Next year, I’ll be sealing his mouth shut with duct tape before we set off. I’ll enjoy making that memory.

A candidate for barbarian traveller of the year methinks!

Tank’s Travels barbarian traveller of 2015

Delicate flower Tank was shocked by the salty language that came out of this diver's mouth.

Delicate flower Tank was shocked by the salty language that came out of this diver’s mouth.

“Fuck you. Fuck all of you.” Salty language and definitely not a slip of the tongue.


Meet the winner of Tank’s Barbarian Traveller award for 2015.

This guy trumps:

  • the horrible dive boat whiners, bullies and boors in La Paz. (honourable mention)
  • the jungle jerks who moaned about mobile phone service and other indignities at the Kinabatangan River in Malaysia. (second runners up)
  • the dive boat manspread guy in Kota Kinabalu.
  • the botoxed vulgarians who referred to other travellers as peasants in San Francisco.
  • idiot scuba divers with GoPros everywhere.
  • Zooom Electronics, a New York-based Amazon supplier who advertised products they didn’t have and then sold me a defective product. (my most read posting of all time)

What a year. What tough competition. The tipping point for scuba guy was the Torrette-esque way the ‘eff’ word came tumbling off his tongue.

Here’s what happened. Long story short. Buddy was on a ‘cattle boat’, a large dive boat that tends to cater to/enable rookie divers who stay at all-inclusive resorts. He ascended alone, without a dive buddy, likely because he’s an ‘air hog’, a diver who sucks his tank nearly dry quickly. There he was bobbing around in the surf, when his ‘safety sausage’ came in contact with our stationary dive boat. He bellowed that our captain had run over it. Not true. We weren’t under power.

He cried he’d been run over by the boat. Nonsense. His filthy mouth and the rest of his body parts were still attached and intact. This I confirmed when I grabbed my camera and began snapping pictures. More swearing.

Off he goes to find his dive boat. Can't help but think his captain might have preferred to leave him bobbing in the surf.

Off he goes to find his dive boat. Can’t help but think his captain might have preferred to leave him bobbing in the surf.

Later, the cattle boat came barrelling up to ours. In Spanish, his captain mumbled something about having to come over to complain because the diver had demanded he do so. More laughs. As they steamed off, buddy was stood at the back of the boat swearing his head off and performing Jersey Shore-type tough guy arm poses.

In addition to his award, the barbarian has secured himself a chapter in Tank’s Travels upcoming E-book which chronicles some of the world’s most awful travellers.

Congrats to all this year’s contestants.