This is me in a cave in Palau. That’s a fake smile. I’m hating every minute of this. This one had air pockets and breathable air. I still wanted out.

Thrill seekers, yes. Adventurers, yes. Nutcases? Um, who am I to say?!

I don’t get the appeal of cave diving. Scares the hell out of me. I imagine there will be an earthquake, the exit will be sealed shut by boulders and I won’t be able to get out. I’ll drown when my air runs out.

In an effort to try to understand the cave diving-loving mindset, I read with interest the BBC article this week about the Finnish cave divers in Norway who retrieved the bodies of their two friends.

• The cave divers who went back for their friends

I once dove with an obsessive cave diver. His wife dove caves too. They were parents of a toddler. They never dove together, at least not in caves. In case one died, the other would raise the child. And, one would hope, give up cave diving.

Wow. You gotta really love cave diving to make that agreement.

So, you know where you won’t find me. I am planning, however, to dive cenotes (caverns) near Playa Del Carmen in August. An overhead environment, in some spots, but a bit different from a dark cave with one way in and out. You can always see natural light in cenotes, usually to the upper left or right of you. Will probably give up cenote diving after this, since I’m not completely comfortable.

• Dos Ojos cenote

Cave diving is dangerous. Don’t get me started on the people who dive the Andrea Doria shipwreck and others on the east coast of the USA. Not that they aren’t well trained and experienced. Responsible divers get a lot of training before they enter overhead environments. They take precautions. They test and retest their gear. They cut dives short when they get twitchy. Still, when those ‘perfect storms’ occur, some of them die.

As weird as it sounds, I’m interested in the way divers kill themselves. So that I don’t repeat their mistakes. Here are a few of the more interesting stories.

• Dave Shaw (A Hong Kong-based Cathay Pacific pilot who died in a cave system in South Africa while trying to retrieve the body of a man who had died a decade earlier. Filmed his death.)
• Chris and Chrissy Rouse (father and son who died wreck diving in the Atlantic. China fever.)
• Doc Deep died in August 2015 attempting a world record. Not worth dying for IMHO. Not cave diving.

So, why did I pay to dive Chandelier Cave in Palau? When I knew cave diving made me anxious? Because it was a tourist attraction everyone told me couldn’t be missed. There was no requirement for cave diving certification, so I thought it would be okay. Mostly, because I’m an idiot.

Here are some more pics. Amazing to see and never to be repeated!