The Colonel is always there. No matter where you travel there’s a KFC. You’ll also find Nickelback when you least expect it.

On the road to the jungle near Sandakan.

“So, is Vancouver close to Napanee?” the Malaysian tour guide asks.

Christ. I know exactly where this is going.

Napanee.

Birthplace of Avril Lavigne. Wife, now estranged, of Nickelback’s Chad (Turton) Kroeger.

“That’s where Avril Lavigne comes from,” says Dozino, the guide.

I cannot believe I’m having to think about Nickelback while in a tourist van, heading out of the bustling metropolis of Sandakan, Sabah, Malaysia and into the Borneo jungle.

Dozi, it seems, has a big crush on Chad’s bride. Can rattle off all of her hit songs, of which there have been few in recent years.

Her most redeeming feature in this strict Muslim-country, according to Dozi (and this made me laugh), is that “Avril isn’t sexy.” Or, IMO, talented.

As this conversation was thankfully ending, I noticed a KFC outlet in a strip mall on the outskirts of town, looking out of place in a sea of Malay restaurants. As out of place as conversing about the soon-to-be-ex-Mrs. Chad Kroeger in a far away land.

Dozi would mention Avril several times during our four days together. He was an excellent, highly-informed tour guide. He dragged my sorry ass up the side of a mountain in the jungle. He held my arm so that I didn’t slip on bat guano (feces) in a cave. But, his taste in singers and women is appalling.   

Just as Avril would reappear during my journey, so would the Colonel. In every podunk town there’s a KFC.

The world is a strange place.

PS: I returned to Canada to hear that news that “Chavril” was no more. Immediately, I messaged the news to a FB friend at the jungle resort, who happened to be with Dozi when my news arrived. Dozi is happy. His wife may not be!