Monthly Archives: October 2014

One way to kill yourself on #vacation (video)

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Not the best landing in parasailing history.

Not the best landing in parasailing history. Lucky to be alive, I reckon.

So, there I was, enjoying a nap on the beach lounger at my resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

Dreaming about pina coladas.

When my slumber was interrupted by a woman’s screams, followed by the sounds of leaves rustling.

Looked up and lo and behold, there was a woman parasailor bouncing over the palm tress above me. She landed in the third tree.

An #epicfail on the landing.

At first, I thought she was dead or badly hurt at the very least. As the curious over-refreshed and over-fed masses gathered under the tree, a young guy scrambled up to help.

Later, someone got a ladder and she was escorted down. But, not before a great deal of time and effort went into protecting the canopy and ropes from damage.

The rescue took roughly 20 minutes and, with the exception of an abrasion on her arm, she seemed okay physically.

But, it could have been worse. Another 50 feet or so and she would have smacked into the building next door. She could easily have hit her head on a tree trunk. I’ve considered parasailing. Would love to see the Banderas Bay view from that vantage point. What has kept me from doing it is the expense (about $50 USD) and the fact that it’s freakin’ dangerous, as I was reminded here.

The stupid things people do on vacation.

 

Cue the whale #shark: when weakness pays off

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Amazing. This curious, probably adolescent whale shark, hung around for most of the dive.

Amazing. This curious, probably adolescent, whale shark hung around for most of the dive. (copyright – photos courtesy of dive buddy)

I hadn’t planned to scuba dive on my recent trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Was going to be a short trip done with only a carry-on bag. No scuba gear. No checked luggage.

Because I’m weak, I packed my scuba mask and computer just in case I broke down and booked a dive. The breakdown occurred almost as soon as I got there. I booked a one day, two tank dive at El Morro, one of the best dive sites in Banderas Bay, I was told.

So, on the day, me, the 20-something divemaster Charly, a young guy – new diver from Calgary and a guy my age from Oregon got on the boat.

On route, Charly and the Calgary guy talked about diving in a cave. I’m old and cranky and not keen on dive plans hatched by young men, especially new divers with more courage than experience and brains. I don’t allow myself to be put in dangerous situations. My only ever dicey dive was led by a young male divemaster and his young male divemaster trainee. They took me too deep, too fast and we ascended too quickly. Never again.

At El Morro, I was diving a new site in unfamiliar rental gear. There was a strong surge in the water. But, I agreed to take a look at this cave.

Once inside, I decided this cave (a tunnel, actually) was a no-go. It was wide at the opening but became too dark, too long, too narrow. Not worth risking my life. (I’m not cave diving certified). I signalled to my Oregon buddy I wanted to leave. He followed. The young guys re-appeared shortly after. They’d turned around after seeing we’d turned back, which was exactly the right thing to do.

My decision to end their adventure was richly rewarded when a 12-foot whale shark appeared. The rarest of sightings in these waters, apparently.

Thanks for showing up, whale shark.

Thanks for showing up, whale shark.

It hung around us for the remainder of the dive. Gentle and curious yet getting awfully close at times. We were in no danger.

I gladly accepted the ‘credit’ for the find, having pulled us out of the cave at just the right time. A memorable diving experience for all. Charly couldn’t wait to tell his divemaster buddies. I saw him the next day and he was still giddy.

Why do I scuba dive? For days like this. Sometimes, weakness is rewarding.

The dive site, El Morro

The dive site, El Morro

A very happy me. Smiling.

I’m happy.

Charly tells his friends about our wonderful whale shark dive.

Charly tells his friends about our wonderful whale shark dive.

Quick story about a travelling jerk, a bus + hot coffee

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Where I first encountered jerk and company. Airport shuttle area, Bush airport in Houston, Texas

Where I first encountered jerk and company. Airport shuttle area at airport in Houston, Texas

My stats tell me Tank’s Travels readers LOVE a good story about the jerks I meet on the road.

Here’s one for which I have no photos. I’m sure the jerk would have punched my lights out if I’d attempted to capture him on camera.

No matter. You already know the type. Loud, overfed, red faced, entitlement complex, wearing a cheap straw hat purchased at his all-inclusive resort, quick to bitch and belittle others.

The New Jersey-bound jerk and his three companions (wife and two adults children, I think) had a layover in Houston, Texas, as I did.

We shared an airport shuttle to our separate hotels and back to the airport the next morning.

The bus was the typical airporter. A few seats and space for bags. Already seething over the amount of time I’d waited for the bus, I was in NO mood for idiots. But the ear-drum piercing volume of their voices made them unavoidable. That and the fact they spread themselves out, taking over most of the seating. That’s why they needed to bellow. That’s why I needed an extra strength Tylenol when I got to the hotel.

Justice was served up the next morning. We had an early start at 0600. When the bus pulled up to their hotel, they made us wait, while they loaded up on free food to bring on the bus.

Only the bus driver wouldn’t let them on with their food plates. Unable to pass up free grub, we waited some more while they stuffed their faces with food. Finally, they got on the bus with just their coffee cups.

Can you say “fucking incensed?”  Yup, they were pretty pissed at the driver and made a lot of noise about it.

Trying to make up time and possibly punish these horrible people, the driver hit the gas. This caused the jerk to spill his hot coffee into his crotch.

The end. The perfect ending.

 

What up @United Airlines? More good experiences

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United appears to be cleaning up its act. At least where I'm concerned.

United appears to be cleaning up its act. At least where I’m concerned.

In a recent Facebook post to me, a friend – who’d been screwed by US Airways/American a few days earlier – wrote that any flight that isn’t lost at sea, shot down or lands you on CNN in connection with an in-flight brawl over seat reclining should be regarded as “the best flight ever.”

I’d like to add one more: any flight on United Airlines that doesn’t end in tears.

Tank’s Travels readers will know about my horrible experience with United in San Francisco in 2012. United is the only airline that has made me cry. At the airport. When I had a dehydration headache, swollen ankles and nowhere to stay overnight in a city with NO rooms available at any of the airport hotels.

Tank versus United Airlines

Three days into my relentless social media campaign against the airline, the aforementioned friend suggesting I kick it up a notch and take my grievance to the top. I was irritating enough to merit a $300 voucher for a future flight.

Smart move. While I waited a year to reluctantly use the voucher, I’ve since travelled five times on United, based on the positive experiences I had on the voucher flight and since then. I wouldn’t have gotten back on United if the voucher hadn’t been offered.

Things haven’t been perfect, but rather perfect-ish. Some planes have left the gate a wee bit late. On the flip side, the flight crews have been happy, helpful and friendly. My luggage has arrived at the correct destination, as have I.

Last week, I flew to Puerto Vallarta with a connection in San Francisco. Went without a hitch, notwithstanding a 30 minute delay due to some weirdness with air traffic control in Vancouver.

My flight home through Denver also went well, although the United Express terminal is a rung of Hell that Dante (of “Inferno” fame) would appreciate. (I’ll blog about this at a later date).

Keep up the good work United Airlines. I’ve got two more trips booked with you in the next six months.

For now, I’m buying into United’s ‘friendly skies’ slogan. For now.

Travelling again: how Tank funds #tankstravels

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Travelling makes Tank a happy girl

Roughing it in Roatan, August 2014. Going back in 2015. Travelling makes Tank a happy girl.

Didn’t win the lottery. No rich benefactor. My travel is self-funded.

Simply put, I’d rather travel than buy stuff. I’ve matured out of my Prada, Jimmy Choo and Marc Jacobs phase. Money buys needs. The rest is saved for travel. Working six days a week for at least 18 weeks of the year also puts money in the travel piggy bank.

I travel a lot. But mine is NOT high end travel.

Here’s how I do it:

  • Air miles. I’m always on the lookout for ways to accumulate more points. I have two Aeroplan credit cards. Just recently, I redeemed 60k points for business class airfare for a trip to Roatan in March 2015. I’ve got tens of thousands more that will cover my trip to Malaysia in 2015 (in economy).
  • I also travel on airlines that will convert their points to Aeroplan miles, such as United and Avianca. Even if it means having to make connections and take a few more hours to get to my destination.
  • I don’t like it but I will overnight in an airport if my flight gets in late and the connection leaves early the next morning. No money spent on a hotel room for just a few hours of use.
  • I used points to fund airfare for my recent trip to Roatan. Splurged and upgraded to business class for about $300 CDN. With in-flight meals and access to the United Club (food, beverages, place to relax) during layovers, it was well worth it.
  • When I have to pay for flights, I book really early – 6-8 months in advance when the seats are really cheap.

How to get a cheap plane ticket

  • Accommodation. When I was a news reporter for the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) I stayed in a lot of dumps in remote areas. Consequently, I can tolerate two or three star rooms, especially if I’m scuba diving most days and only use them for sleeping. My Roatan room, in a building next door to the dive shop, was $35 USD a night. Got minimal housekeeping while I was there, but so what? It had a fridge, microwave and TV. The bed was fine. The price was right. The location was perfect. I’ll stay there again. I also try to stay at a hotel that has a free airport shuttle.
  • Other stuff. I try to book accommodation with some meals included. That cuts costs. When I have to pay for meals, I don’t splurge. I allow myself one expensive-ish meal (lobster etc), but the rest of the time is basic eating. I also visit supermarkets to stock up on breakfast foods and snacks. I fill my water bottle at the dive shop. I spend little on booze. I don’t buy souvenirs. I take photos as memories.

My Roatan trip, airfare, accommodation for 13 nights, 31 scuba dives, food, transportation, a night in Houston, Texas, tips and miscellaneous cost about $2700 CDN. About $1200 of that was spent on diving. A pretty cheap trip, if you ask me.

You can travel often and well. I’m off to Puerto Vallarta in the coming days for a week at an all-inclusive resort. Got a great last minute deal. Fall is a cheap time to travel.

Bathroom was fine. Not luxurious, but fine.
Hotel room. Cheap, comfortable. $35 USD a night.
This is what $35 USD a night buys. Price is right.
C-Level Cafe. Ate most of my meals here. One of the cooks was trained at the prestigious CIA in the US.